Allow me to introduce you to Thelo Aasgaard—a £2.5m midfielder as prodigious as his name is exotic. This lad was spat into existence on 2nd May 2002, making him a sprightly 23, which I assume must be a happy coincidence for some morse code enthusiasts out there. More importantly, it slots him nicely into that 'promising youngster' category everyone seems to be so enamoured with. He’s also a Brit, born and bred, so you’d be excused for assuming an utterly predictable career path.
Aasgaard currently knocks the ball about for Rangers, navigating the treacherous terrain of the midfield, often in a central attacking role. He cuts an imposing 6ft 2in figure (1.88m for those with a penchant for continental measurements) and tips the scales at 11st 4lb (a delicate 72kg in the language of Napoleon). Add to this his number 11 shirt, and we’ve stumbled upon another instance of numerical synchronicity—it’s uncanny, or just possibly uninteresting.
When not frolicking in the domestic playground, Aasgaard bolsters the ranks of the Norwegian national team, which makes one remember all the rich and distinguished football history they... don't have.
Our source Transfermarkt places his market value at around £2.5m—a sum that probably makes him nauseatingly affluent by your standard or mine, but in the football circus, it's like being in a crumb-fighting seagull in an Asda car park.
Aasgaard caught his break as a trainee at Wigan Athletic in 2016. That debut season in 2022-23 must have been a grand old time, featuring him in 41 league matches, a statistic that starts to dull when you glean the paltry return of three goals. He upped sticks for Luton Town in 2025, presumably in search of fresh pies and beans, repeating the one-season wonder experience with a slightly less awful two-goal tally from seventeen appearances.
Currently, he resides in Glasgow, having transferred to Rangers in 2025, the price-tag being a not-so-princely sum of £3.5m. His first season in greener pastures sees him with four goals from 19 games—clearly, he’s limbering up for some devastating form any day now.
Amongst his other 'expeditions', one would note few curious endeavours: World Cup Qualifiers for Norway, the League Cup, Champions League Qualifiers and the Europa League for Rangers—with a surprising flair for scoring in Norway's colours but, well, less so for Rangers.
