Well, aren't we in for a treat? Untie your boot laces and unpack a hearty dose of indifference as we delve into the unimaginably thrilling life of Declan John, a defender who primarily fills the gruelling role of left back for the rogue likes of St Mirren, and whose towering physique measures a whopping 5ft 10in (1.78m) in height and 11st 11lb (75kg) in weight. Born on the 30th of June in 1995 (yes, that does indeed make him a ripe old 30), in that exotic land known as Wales, John decorates the illustrious number 24 jersey as if etching his name in the annals of footballing history.
The inexplicable awe doesn't stop there, lads and lasses. His market value, a heart-throbbing figure of around £218k, leaves us all gasping for air according to the oh-so-trusted source Transfermarkt.
Fasten your seatbelts, lads, 'cause here's where it gets even more blisteringly enthralling. In the bygone days of July 2011, young John set forth on his maiden voyage into the murky waters of football at Cardiff City. Amid the hectic swirls and surges of the 2013-2017 seasons, he managed to eke out a grand total of 42 appearances first team appearances for the Bluebirds. Fare thee well, Cardiff City!
Sensing that the good people of Cardiff had had their fair share of his majesty, John then graced Barnsley with his presence on loan in March 2015, where he squeezed out a staggering nine appearances in the same spellbinding 2014-2015 season. Similarly, 2016 saw him loaned out again to Chesterfield from Cardiff City, emphasizing to us, the mesmerized audience, a stellar performance with six first team appearances. Not exactly Clyde Best in his prime, is he?
The summer of 2017 witnessed the miraculous event of John shipping across the border to Scotland to play for Rangers. During his tenure with the Light Blues, where he splashed a measly £700k to secure a permanent transfer post a loan stint, he tallied a whooping 26 appearances and scoring three almost legendary goals.
But Rangers must have eventually seen through the illusion, or simply had a particularly bad bout of heartburn to let our hero toddle off to Swansea City for a princely sum nearing £800k in 2018. His 11 appearances across two seasons for Swansea might have left fans wondering about the rationale behind such an investment.
After a quick, forgettable loan spell at Sunderland, and back at Swansea, our hero John packed bags and marched off to Bolton Wanderers on loan again in 2021, an adventure that eventually became a permanent move. A total of 13 appearances in the 2022-2023 season suggests a player who is a lion on the pitch, or perhaps more a domestic cat.
Another loan spell at Salford City followed before an unspecific transfer which we can only surmise occurred in an alternate universe, or somebody on the inside was having a laugh. Nonetheless, November 2024 saw him gallantly joining St Mirren, where he has racked up a gallant 30 appearances and managed to accidentally knock in three goals over two seasons.
No Scottish journey is complete without a dabble in our famed domestic cups; the League Cup and the Scottish Cup. And boy, didn’t John show up and show off? A grand total of six starts and two substitute appearances in 2025-2026 and 2024-2025 for St Mirren respectively. Quite the cup raider, our John.
So, there you have it. The exhilarating rollercoaster that is the football career of one Declan John. One can only imagine the sleepless nights this causes opposing defenders.
